|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| (I lied. This is the last entry, because I hate leaving things on bad/sad notes.)
(stolen from Meredith)
"you post your thoughts on twenty people without saying who they are and you're not supposed to ever reveal which is about who."
1. I’m really sorry that things had to happen the way they did and I really did love you. Just know that I don’t completely hate you and that I did have a lot of fun over the years. You were the best friend I had. But towards the end everything was mucked and nothing was the same and the strain was tearing me. But don’t be afraid to call if you need me. I’m always here to lend an ear.
2. What can I say? I lurves you to pieces! Heehee. Anyway thank-you oh so much for being there when I needed to talk and for supporting me everyday of my life. I feel comfortable and secure around you and I just have a great time being with you. You’re so confidant and so beautiful. Don’t worry. We’ll get our men someday. Don’t stop looking on the bright side!
3. Oh you. The obsession, the addiction, the phantom and the love of my life. The hero and the villain. The walking contradiction. The scaredy cat. The enigma wrapped in a mystery. The first love. The only love. The hated. The adored. The straight and the oh so gay. I’m so fuckin’ in love with you it scares me sometimes.
4. I know we hardly ever get to talk one on one anymore and its depressing, but I do love talking to you when I can and I hope that everything turns out okay for you. You deserve it. You’ve been there for me for years now and I can’t tell you how much you mean to me. I’m never afraid to say what I’m thinking or feeling around you and you just understand stuff so well. You are so effin hilarious sometimes and every moment with you is an adventure. I know you’re gonna do something amazing someday.
5. Another friend I’ve had for a long time. I don’t think we’ve had a class together in a long time and yet we still find ways to see each other. I’ve loved the end of the year parties for the past few years (they always make the endings seem much brighter). I know you’ve gone through a lot of the same things I’ve gone through involving a certain other person,but don’t let it upset you. In fact don’t let anything upset you. You are a great person and deserve to always smile. You really need to show me some of your artwork. I’d love to see it.
6. Oh god I hate you. Of course that’s over ridden by how much I love you. You can be so annoying and so scary and so creepy at times, and then you go and do something super sweet or say something that just makes me so happy. You’re insane and I love you for it.
7. I’ve known you for a few years now and I always admired you. You are full of amazing and creative ideas that can be funny or deep. I love you to pieces and I want you to know that you are beautiful no matter what. I know we hardly ever have a chance to talk one on one either and it makes me sad. You’re such an amazing person. I just know you’re going to grow up and be something famous and big.
8. Sixth period savior. I feel the same. I often wonder how well I really know you, but then realize it doesn’t matter to me. I love you through and through and I love teasing you about everything. Making you laugh is one of the things I live for. I love you dearly!
9. You are so funny and so crazy and so wild and so everything. You’re stupid little stories make me laugh and tend to brighten my day even if they don’t have a point to ‘em. I’m glad I found another rabid fangirl. Don’t worry someday I’ll get you the REAL Phantom of the Opera to cuddle. <3
10. My pirate. My love. Teh shmex. That is you. You are gorgeous and so silly and you know how to have fun. I love hearing your opinions and your views and i love when we get to talking about important stuff. But I also love how you can always laugh at anything and turn it around to somethign funny. You are a brilliant person with a bright future. I love you so much.
11. You are so effin adorkable. No, you really are. You know and say some of the weirdest things in the world. I always tend to shake my head, because I have NO CLUE what is going on in that head of yours. I know we aren’t as close as we used to be, but if you ever need someone to talk to I’m still here to lend an ear.
12. Oh gawds I was so obsessive with you. I’m glad that we’re still friends and that I can still rely on you for “manly” advice. You are a doll and I’m glad that you found someone that you truly care for. Thanks for being a voice of reason when I get a little obsessed/paranoid.
13. This is for anyone who’s ever reviewed a story of mine or said anything kind about my work. There is one special lady in NJ who I would like to say thanks to. She’s a sweetheart and an amazing writer. I wish her well as she moves through her life.
14. You guys were some of the best friends I ever had and you made the early years of my life worth living. I know quite a few of you have moved away and have new lives, but I’ll never forget you. I love you all like brothers and sisters. I look forward to seeing you again someday.
15. I’ve seen you hurt. I’ve seen you crushed. I’ve seen you in darkness all the time. I wish you’d stop hurting yourself and I wish you were strong enough to fight all the bad stuff. I wish I could help you more. You are such a love and I adore you so. I’m ALWAYS here if you just need someone to listen. I promise I’ll never judge you or think badly of you. You don’t deserve that.
16. Oh my gosh! *squeals* I’m so effin in love with you! You are an amazing and wonderful person x1000. You brighten my day and make me glad to be alive. Making you laugh in lunch is something I look forward to everday. Just know that I’m always there for you and I love you.
17. I hate you sometimes, but not really. I wish you weren’t so angry or paranoid and didn’t jump down someone’s throat every time someone says something you don’t like. If you ever have a real problem with me come and tell me. I promise I won’t turn you away and that I’ll listen.
18. I’m including two in one here, because that’s how I’ve always seen you guys. We were best friends in kindergarten and I know we’ve all kind of grown apart, but I’m so glad you still remember me and we can still talk like we used to and we’re still friends.
19. Another two for one special. I love you both dearly. You made this summer fun and bearable. Thanks for being there for me when no one else was. And thank-you ______ for being my ice queen. I need you to be that, because I need someone who won’t give me pity, but just nod when I ask if you want to play some poker only a few minutes after I was dumped. Don’t ever lose yourself and try not to do anything incredibly stupid, okay?
20. You guys are so awesome. This summer was a blast. I’m sad that we don’t hang out at all anymore. I had looked forward to getting closer to the two of you. Just stay cool and remember that I love you guys.
(I’m going over twenty. Shove it.)
21. Forgive me for saying this, but I am so in lust with you. You are the (second) shmexiest canadian neighbor I know (your sister’s the first). I would bang you in a second. Thanks for not completely hating my guts. <3
22. I’m sorry that I call you names and don’t act like I should sometimes. I love teasing you and I just wish you’d give me hug every once in awhile. I know its kind of mean to say, but out of everyone in the world I think I’d be most devastated if you died. I don’t know if I could live without you. I love you, little sister.
23. You guys know how much I love you. I’m sorry for not being as good as i should be. Sorry for not caring about my grades and stuff. Sorry for getting upset with you when I shouldn’t. Sorry for not spending enough time with you. Just know that I wouldn’t trade you for the world. You guys are the best.
24. Everything you guys do is amazing. You are really going to make a difference some day. I’m glad you’re there, because you all give me reason to believe that I’m doing something right and good and worthwhile. I love you all to pieces. Stay cool!
25. I wanted to put you on here to let you know that I haven’t forgotten you and that I miss you. I wish you hadn’t moved away. It was nice having someone who was near as short as I was.
26. I loved you guys. I still love you guys. Three years wasn’t near long enough. I miss all of you. Come back.
27. I hardly talk to you anymore. Probably because your lips are far too often uh...”occupied”. You annoyed me so bad, but I still love you. Don’t be afraid to come down to see me. We’ll play poker, m’kay?
28. I really don’t like you. I think you’re a tricky little jerk. I’m sad that I couldn’t be your friend. Its a shame.
27. To anyone who isn’t on the list just know that I love you all. Every person I meet or who talks to me gives me another reason to go on. I couldn’t have made it this far without you all. <3
Love,
Me | | |
| This is probably going to be my greatest, biggest and most real post ever on xanga.
At the same time it will be my last.
I've been holding this in for...well most of my life.
But I'm done.
This is who I am. This is how I feel.
(By the way, this isn't a "coming out" post. *swats away fangirls*)
*deep breath in*
~~~~
You know why everyone jumps down your throat everytime you say something?
Because everytime you open your mouth you cut someone with your words. Everytime you whisper you hurt another person. Everytime you breathe an angel dies.
They get angry and get mad and fight back because you’re calling them friggin’ EVIL. You’re making it seem like this small group of friends is the root of all the horrible things in the world. You’re twisting things into ways that AREN’T TRUE.
Yeah I’m sure your new friends are nice and funny and oh yeah...not real. I highly doubt that they’ve never said (or will ever say) a word behind your back. Its what PEOPLE do. Its what humanity does.
You make me hate myself.
I’m terrified of you. I’m ALWAYS afraid to say no or go against what YOU want because I don’t want you to hate me for it. Because I’ve seen how much you hate Meredith and Sarah and a billion others for something STUPID and little and I never wanted that to be me. And the only reasons I haven’t left is because I feel guilty and I would hate to never spend the day at your house, and because I don’t want band to suck.
I don’t mind you, but I hate how you manipulate words and come forward with such force and I want SO MUCH to retaliate, but I’m too scared that you’ll hate me.
The only person who has ever influenced me in a bad way was YOU.
I feel pressure from the others at times, but its just pressure. Its just something I can shake off....But with you it was FEAR. I saw how you could turn people. I saw how you could manipulate ANYONE. I didn’t want the world to turn on me. I didn’t want to be a bad guy.
I was afraid that you’d be able to do that.
I’m still afraid.
But I’M NOT. I’m not evil and I’m not corrupt and I’m not a BAD GUY. I love people. I love people with all my heart and soul. And I see good in EVERYONE. Even in the people I hate. Even in the people who don’t deserve it. Even in YOU.
But OH its so hard these days. Its so utterly depressing, because I didn’t want you to change, because you had started to become something I didn’t hate so much. Because I wasn’t so afraid to say something.
And yet.
I’m glad you’re gone. I’m glad you left. Without you there, I could be. I could be their friend. I could be one of them. I could have fun without you upstaging me and making everyone like you more. You wouldn’t be there to take them away from me.
You always took them from me. ALWAYS.
I knew them first, found a home with them first. Made them mine. And YOU...You took them and used them and then you get yourself a little boyfriend and then they don’t exist. You ass. You fucking asshole.
“Oh they were evil and corrupt and I was good and OMG liek I didn’t want them to change me and err stuff!!!!1!!!11!”
How can you be so TERRIBLE? They were your FRIENDS. They talked, but oh my Gawd, you idiot, EVERYONE talks. That doesn’t matter AT ALL. The fact was that they cared about you and you left without an explanation and suddenly your Miss Perfect and you had always been Miss Perfect, because you’re never wrong.
You never say sorry. You never ask to be forgiven. Why?
Oh yeah. Because Casey is Miss Perfect and Miss Perfect is never wrong.
Bull shit. Fucking bull shit.
No one’s perfect. Everyone has problems.
Why can’t you admit that you’ve been wrong before?
That’s what makes you good. That’s what makes you human.
You make me feel like such a shit. Like I’m the one screwing up EVERY TIME. Even when I just made a dumb mistake. You know the whole summer thing where I showed up at the wrong spot? Yeah...dumb mistake on my part.
But YOU.
Oh you.
You dumped out my soda, because you were oh so pissed and then decided that you’d only forgive me if I agreed to make lunch for everyone.
......
You fucking asshole.
That is the single most terrible thing I’ve ever heard. And then everyone seems to agree because you’re oh so good at manipulating people. Because you are terrible. Because everything has to go the way YOU want it to.
Did you know that my dad almost got FIRED that day?
Would you have even cared?
When people fight and argue and hate each other they get over it. They grow up. They try to make peace. They don’t hold grudges.
I can’t stand you.
And I don’t say any of this because I’m afraid to...and because you’ll twist it so that I’m the bad guy and I’ll feel terrible all over again, because that’s who you are. That’s all you’ve ever been.
And I feel so guilty.
Guilty because I’m supposed to be there no matter what. Guilty because I’m supposed to forgive you. Guilty because I think you need me and I could be free if only you didn’t need me.
Guilty because I don’t need you.
I never tell you anything anymore because...because you just never seemed interested. Never wanted to help. You were to wrapped up in your own problems. And I listened to you. I always listened because I wanted to help, but you’d get this bored look and I just knew it wasn’t important to you.
But I didn’t confront you because I was afraid and because you’d twist it.
Its quite the trap you’ve got me in.
No matter what I do I’m gonna feel rotten. Keeping this in will only make it build up. Saying it aloud will make you hate me. And when you hate me you’ll tell everyone it was all my fault. All my fault for feeling this way. All my fault because you are Miss Perfect.
And the worst part is that they’ll all believe you.
I want to post this.
I want to so bad.
And a part of me wants it to be okay.
And a part of me wants you to hate me.
It’d be such a relief if you just finally hated me.
No more tiptoeing around you...No more looking over my shoulder...No more holding things in...If you hate me...I wouldn’t have to hate you anymore.
But there's something...some part of me that doesn't want to let go...some part of me that wants you to be my best friend...Some part of me that doesn't think you’re terrible or evil and doesn't really hate you...and it doesn't want things to change...but something has to change...i don't know if i can be forced between you and the others...
I’m posting this...I have to.
I can’t hold these things in.
I can’t.
But just realize.
I never wanted to hate you.
I just do.
And I’m not sorry.
Not this time.
~~~~
Love Always,
The ST
Alyssa
Me | | |
| I want to make a shirt that says:
PeterxJCxMM = OT3
And then I can explain that it means Peter/Jesus Christ/Mary Magdeline = One True Threesome...And then people can be horrified with me.
Ha. | | |
| ................xanga bores me.
New pic.
Ain't it lovely?
A flower girl for a flower girl.
Cheers. | | |
| MY LIFE (defined by the websites I go to/own):
www.squirreltamer.proboards30.com
(Ask me if you want on. I am the admin of this forum.)
www.fanfiction.net/~squirreltamer
(Where I put up all of my fanfictions. Currently on an FOP streak.)
www.fictionpress.com/~squirreltamer
(Original Stories go here. One-shots galore.)
www.http://squirreltamer.deviantart.com/
(My fancy dancy cartoony artwork type things.)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/squirrel_tamer/
(My oh so yummy LJ.)
www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=i_Am_Briar_Rose
(My xanga! Duh...)
www.kh2.co.uk
(A good KH info site that I check sometimes to see if there's an official release date yet.)
www.hey-arnold.com
(Fan owned HA site. Still has HA news. Go to to see if HA is going to live.)
http://amekaze.net/forum/index.php
(Squffie forum. Only posted about five times. Don't go to often, but still love Squffies.) | | |
|
